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[20 Dec 2005|10:16pm] |
...
i told you not to read this
but somehow i knew you would.
I don't want to say much, because i've learned a lot about saying things that i'll want to take back in the future.
Plus, i don't even know what to say. The way things have worked out in the last year and a half make me somewhat speechless
so without being able to say anything more
heres to a friendship and communication
and feelings that haven't changed a bit
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[17 Oct 2004|03:45pm] |
ok kids im going to switch to r0sarememberme soon
so ADD ME
but i won't write until its done... im almost finished with the layout and such...
ne who...
church today totally killed me. i almost cried... i don't cry at church...
i really really really wish things were diff. with my family. idk what to say or do... i just wish things were back to normal.
uhm last night was interesting at work. i found out that everyone at pacsun is a loser, and everyone got dumped and theres some not so cool stuff going on around there. so if ya'll have time could u just send out a few prayers for the kids over there.... they ALL really really need it. my heart breaks for all of them. :( *sigh*
uhm oh yah
God provides like woah. i have no idea how i have two paychecks in my hand... but he def. hears our prayers and im so thankful for everything he's done this week.
Lord, help me to grow
the end
<3
God bless
Deanna
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[16 Oct 2004|03:41pm] |
alright kids the comps back..
my new sn =
r0saremember me
yes the o is a 0 (like the number yo)
hurrayyy!!
new lj to come soon... mostly the same as the sn so i don't confuse myself
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[16 Oct 2004|11:33am] |
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so hopefully this will be the last laptop update.... yay my comps back, i just have to wait for my bro (who is home this weekend) to not be lazy and hook it up... and fix the cd player in my car while hes at it... heh
so the plan for today is:
psat (check)
picking up chrissy's check at breadsmizzle and hanging out with dan dan the crazy man
homework ~we have a canjar test monday *rolls eyes*
work 5-9 at pacsun!! yayyy!! i highly enjoy being there
then what? idk
call me if u have plans for after capture the flag (which i can't go to :()but have no fear, i'll be with yall at the troy house in spirit ;)
uhmm and last but not least
perhaps i shall go online tonight, empty the pics off the camera, and get a new lj name!
i haven't been online in three weeks. i can't say that i haven't missed it, but i can't say that i've really minded... its a shame that i have no self controll, cuz if the computer was still down, i might have been forced to go through a few more weeks without it...
im out
God bless
<3
w00t for the Troy hizzleee
wut wut
ok im done for real this time
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[15 Oct 2004|04:24pm] |
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jared's xanga |
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hey
i still don't have a computer
just thought u'd like to hear the update....
anyway...
i really am starting to get annoyed by the jazz band boys. nicks all over jessie all the time and never talks to me like AT all!! yucky yucky yucky
john and phil won't let me play guitar EVER on fridays because they don't like my music... well i put up with ur stupid "HARD RAWK" all the friggin time. give it up and learn to appreciate the finer arts of angry-girl music
also im getting tired of mrs. tucker too. the next time she rolls her eyes at me, aaron, lisa, allie, or john im going to yell at her...
now that im done complaining... heh
james called me back the other night (erm morning). it was the highlight of my day even tho i don't remember a word he said and ten minutes after he called i realized that and told him id talk to him later.
i don't have to work, so we're going out to the orchid cafe tonight and then me and chrissy are going to davids yayyyyy DAVID STEVENS IF I DON'T GET MY FIGHTING JACKS CD BACK IM GOING TO BEAT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH A FREAKISHLY EXPENISIVE GUITAR!
ne who
im hungry
and my rooms messy
ps as soon as we get the comp back im celebrating with a new sn and a new lj thats much like my old new one that died...
and perhaps a new icon cuz everyone thinks im drinking
IT'S JONES SODA GET OVER IT!
yucky yucky yucky
Deanna
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[12 Oct 2004|12:14pm] |
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hey first off, id like to say:
if anyone has pics on their sites from hc hook me up with the links yo... cuz i've been offline so long i've forgotten ya'lls sites..
second... my comp is STILL broken. i don't like the laptop :(
third
EDGE made me happy last night. erm God did... but i enjoyed edge a lot. the message was good. i was so so so so so so so happy to hear that megan and kristine enjoyed it. i have a meeting with T on wed. and i was supposed to hang out with iancassidy tonight but i dont' think i'll be able to. he came for the first time in forever which made me happy. i was wearing his ring which made him happy. hmmm hes still really hott.. and making notable progress which again makes me happy. idk i'll call him tonight
too bad i can't like him
or anyone else for that matter. i want to wait for james... i really really like him... but idk wte happens happens
blah blah blah theres not much else to say. call me tonight im going to be bored. maybe i can go shopping with my mom or something, or maybe since i don't have any homework i'll be able to hang out, or maybe i should just stop writing in this because 99.9 % of you don't really care...
the end
<3
God bless
ps me and channing are cool and good at making friends ;)
heh
and yes im still upset about the james thing... i really REALLY need to like get over it... that and my grandpa dying... but i don't think im ready yet... well i think i am, i just refuse to be... hmm something to ponder...
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[10 Oct 2004|05:53am] |
alright kids. comps back up on monday, so this should be my last laptop post, and perhaps once i get my comp back i'll have time to read my friends entries..
so last night was homcoming... heh
it was quite filled with awkward moments.
heh
moment #1
setting: bathroom in marinellis
SOoo me and sally go to the bathroom and this lady walks up to us and is like hey are u 18 you should vote yadda yadda yadda bush sucks kerry rocks and me and sally were like uhm no and i mentioned abortion and she starts going off on our rites and telling me and sally we need to "educate" ourselves... and im like psh ok thats enough and told her off because she was being really rude... yay for bush
moment #2
setting: DQ, dance, my house
danny mills (if ur curious, we dated last spring... don't wanna talk about it, but im sure if ur that interested u can find the entries) was there with amy... and i didn't really want to see him.. but he came back to my house which was kinda fun...heh once we won at get lost.
moment #3
setting: Dinner, danc
ben came to dinner with us. it was really fun. he scored some major brownie points with being cool and gentle-manly... but then he lost them when he ditched me at the dance. (not suprised) now i feel kinda bad about feeling bad about hurting his feelings. i should have probably went with james myself but wte i didn't mind having sally along at all cuz shes mucho fun
moment #4
setting: slow dance with james/amy's house
me and james were looking for sally... and then slow dance music came on so duh we danced... we had a good talk.. and hes doing a lot better and im happy for him. i just wish we didn't break up, cuz i REALLY want to go back out with him again guys. and like i was trying to find a way to talk and see if there was anything i could do about the fact that every time i see him i just like *sigh* idk andhe was wearing my cologne mmmmmmmmmmmm it smells so friggin good!!! then we talked at amy's and i felt somewhat shut down when i asked him if he wanted to do anything about the fact that we're both seemingly having feelings for each other... but things went the same as always... he was just chillin playing basketball... and saying "well what can ya do"
*sigh* one day... i guess it's all in God's hands.. don't get me wrong tho, because i had a BLAST hanging out with james
moment #5
127 is my bobby-pin count... incase u were curious...
went to a sleepover after. and 7 11 at like 2-3 in the morning... we met some older guys heh they thought lauren was drunk... it was somewhat amusing, but i was somewhat tired
all in all aside from radom moments the night was completely awesome. i never had so much fun at homecoming, and even tho i didn't get my happy ending, things are still pretty cool.
i had fun with my girls, and james got to meet my friends, and ppl came over, and i frigging love my friends
thank you God for not letting this year suck... it was quite enjoyable
last night was quite filled with God-moments...
DAVID i need to call u sometime... most likely tuesday or monday night..
<3
God bless
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[08 Oct 2004|12:26pm] |
this weekend is going to be amazing
i got the deer slayer back. it looks sooo good!
james is coming home (hes on his way right now)
homecoming may not suck as bad as i thought
breakaway sunday along with lunch with T
w00t
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| AHHHHHHHHHHHH |
[05 Oct 2004|07:36pm] |
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the elms |
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maybe i should just be happy with what i have (what a concept) heh
ne who... im still on the laptop, because my comp won't be fixed until friday. but i have been keeping up with thoms blog... heh im so obsessed it's scary...
the talent show went alright last night. i coudln't help from feeling that my performance was somewhat (and by somewhat i mean majorly) under par.... idk i just didn't feel the vibe. now i know what performers feel like, and why they get so moody.
fourth again... cool...
i guess im in no place to complain
don't get me wrong
its been a rough few weeks with my grandpa and the drama with my bro.
i just need some prayers, and something to make me feel really special (hint read ur bible stupid) no but that would be too hard... because its much easier to sulk and complain and to make myself look bad... what a wonderful person i am...
how can i feel so close to God, but yet like such a horrible person?
maybe its cuz im not perfect.
i keep hearing the same phrase over and over in my head "when all my ambitions become my religion" by the elms of course... maybe i should chill out... maybe
thats all for now kids.
ps if ur going to comment and tell me what a horrible person i am, or how u hate ppl that say those kinds of things don't even bother ok?
psps my cars in the shop to get all the dents pounded out. so it'll be MIA until friday
<3 Deanna
God bless
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[03 Oct 2004|04:42am] |
hey guys
sry i haven't written in a while
im on my bros laptop, and my comps broken for a while. so idk when it'l be back, but if u realllly miss my long *interesting* entries and want to know about my life just call me yo
cell (248) 376-0013
God bless
<3
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| part 2 or 3 or something of my epic story |
[25 Sep 2004|02:10pm] |
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radio u 12 stones |
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SOOOoo i just got off the phone with james.
he started off by apologising
"hey i just wanted to say im sorry for being a jerk lately.."
*rolls eyes*
"i haven't been treating you very well lately"
*thats an understatement* "don't worry about it"
"well no i feel bad"
*should i take him back? maybe things will change. i really want them to change cuz i like him soooo much even tho its only been a short while...*
then i was like wow im just going to screw this. and asked if he talked to mark last night, and just explained that it couldn't work with his level of commitment and how it feels like i care about him so much and he couldn't even care less sometimes... and how its not cool that hes drinking, and how he swears all the time (which he fervently denied psh i keep track boy)
and yah then he agreed and was just like "ur a cool girl... its been fun"
im starting to hate that word
cool
shudder
yah thats it
so hopefully jonny can find ryans number. i think i'll give my sexy texan a call
the end
i did it
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[25 Sep 2004|08:54am] |
alright heres an update for all of you that are curious how "breakup" night went...
well i called james after school.. he was with his friends, so i told him just to come over for a few minutes to get his crap.
he didn't come over
he didn't call
he didn't take his crap
i called him like 10917034981273412349127364198476128346123046124 times
and then i got sick of it (as i usually do) and called his best friend, and a close friend of mine also (marky-mark) and he said that he'd relay the msg to james...
so then i forgot about it, and finally felt some peace at mind...
heh notice how that says FELT not AM FEELING
so james called me at like 12
and i was like
"yah i called you (a large number) of times..."
"oh sorry my phone was charging yo... i didn't hear it ring"
"ok wte *rolls eyes*"
"hey do u want to hang out tomorrow"
::confusion:: *if we broke up, why are we hanging out? unless mark didn't tell him... that's ok i'll tell him tomorrow* (internal thoughts)"uhhh im busy" *aka im mad at you* "but i can fit you in between hanging out with jonny *possibly a double date but shhhh* and softball..."
"oh ok i'll give u a call tomorrow"
*im sure u will*
soooooooo i guess we're going to talk today. i kinda don't want to. im going to get upset. i like him so much, i just want to run away from all these feelings
i can't cave
well im out
softball at 10
then james
then jonny
then hw
then sleep
TRAVERSE CITY TOMRROW MORNING 6:00 w00t
yay for jazz band
and don't worry kelly and megan and others who have been patiently waititng for the end of my dramatic story... there will be more to come at approximately 4:00 today
or 5:30 tomorrow morning :-/
God bless
and as always i could use some prayers <3
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[24 Sep 2004|06:13pm] |
im kinda upset right now.
talking to dave made me sad.
not being able to get ahold of james made me really sad. so i just left his crap by my front door. he can pick it up if he wants.
overall... all my expectations were kinda let down.
its been a rough few weeks lately. *sigh*
on a lighter note.. there was a cute boy that came in annies the other day. he knows jonny ;);)
i'm really looking forward to just dating ppl. i really wanna get back in the swing. i also really wanna talk to james. even tho i changed the subject... im still... really really mad at him...
i don't have a date for homecoming still... its kinda turning out like the last two years. man im so upset. i just want to cry. im not taking the guy i was going to ask, because i really care about a friend, even tho the stiuations kinda stupid.. wte... im not going to pull a connie :-/
yah
the end
the end?
most likely not
but for now
perhaps
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[21 Sep 2004|05:42pm] |
uhm i said my last goodbye to my grandpa today.
it was nice
but at the same time i want to rip out my heart cuz it hurts so bad and just cry for the rest of my life.
why him?
why now?
i know theres a plan
i know hes going to a better place any day or hour or even any minute now.
hes in a coma.
but he saw the video of the talent show the other day. one of the last things he said was how beautiful it was, and how much he loves us
oh God i love him
im crying
im gone
thats why i've been in such a bad mood lately.
thats why i've been snappy
and not talked to people.
i can't deal with this
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[20 Sep 2004|04:05pm] |
im a baaaaaaaad girl
and im tempted to do a baaaaaaaaaaaad thing
another secret involving other stuff i can't talk abouttt
shhhhh its a secret!
i have a problem that needs to be thought about so im going to do some thinking, and some reading, and some talking most likely to someone who will understand...
alright
that made no sense but thats ok! cuz obviously if ur STILL reading this nonsence you mus REALLY love me :)
God bless
<3
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[19 Sep 2004|09:23am] |
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MICHELLE BRANCH (rockstar music) |
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wow im on a rockstar high from last night
i got fourth in the talent show and won 25$ heh cha-ching!
thennnnn i hung out with tara and matt and it was SO fun
i.like.tara.
and then after that i went around with sean and some of his friends. there was mucho talking, and taking off shoes in the zipper... that was... interesting.. heh
and then things got even better. good stuff rocked the house! i was so proud of all the guys! its amazing to me how even when crap goes wrong *cymbals falling down, bass-breakage... ect* they can still put on a good show
they make me want a band really really really bad
well heres an update on my gpa
ITS A FREAKING MIRICLE!!!!! hes off the oxygen mask. hes still got a tube. hes out of his coma... cuz apparently he was like in one... a minister stayed the night with him and im like almost positive hes a christian, and he was so responsive when my dad went down there today. u guys thanks so much for all ur prayers... i don't know what to do with myself... my grandpas a fighter, and im not giving up on him because i friggin love him SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH
and things with james..... are interesting.
davidgoodwin we need a talk
i don't really wanna share the details right now
Michelle Branch~ Love Me Like That
Well you stole my heaaaaaaart
And I'll get it baack
But look me in the eyeeee babe
Tell me why you love me like that
Why you love me like that
Well Ive walked thiiiis world
Five times or more
And after all this walking babe
Still got me crawlin on the floor
Crawlin on the floor
And I knowwww
This wooorld
keeps on tuuuurnin
Keeps me yeaaarnin
~~~~CHORUS
How can you turn and walk away
Pretending everythings okay
How can you turn your back
Tell me why you love me like that
Why you love me like that
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well I thought you listened
But I'm shattered like broken glass
Well I thought that we'd be different babe
Yeah I thought that we would last
I thought that we would last
And I know
This world keeps on spinnin
Every minute that you're in it
(Chorus)
Love me or leave me baby
But don't lead me on
With lovin' like yours
Believe me baby I'm better off
I'm better off alone.
Well I was your gypsy
Throwin diamonds at your feet
Driftin round you like a satellite
I gave you everything you need
Everything you need
And I know
This world keeps on turning
Keeps me yearning and yearning
(Chorus)
How could you just break away
Why can't you find the words to say
Love is something you work at
Tell me why you love me like that
Why you love me like that
Why you love me like that
How can you throw us away
Look at what you lost and
Now everything is shades of grey
And now ur pushin me away
Say all the things you need to say
I thought we were goin all the way
Play all the games you wanna play
Slowly that we just fade away
thats kinda how i feel right now... i think i'm better off alone :-/
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[18 Sep 2004|12:38pm] |
::excitement:: talent show = 2:00
be there
troy daze
my bros home :-/ i'll expound on that later...
bye
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[14 Sep 2004|05:20pm] |
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last night was fun.
i won't talk about that tho, because theres more important stuff to be said
everyone who is reading this PLEASE PRAY FOR MY GRANDPA. i don't care if ur not a christian, i don't care about anything.
hes been in the hospital for a month now. for those of u who don't know he has accute lukemia, in which there is no real cure. he had kemo done a few weeks ago, and the doctors are waiting for him to go into remission, so he can have a few more pain-less years in his life.
so far things aren't going good... at all. we're starting to lose hope. my grandma stays with him every day. shes getting tired and worn out. so if anyone wants to help me sometime this/next weekend cleaning her house or something she would LOVE THAT
and they are doing a test on thursday in the bone marrow to see if his white blood cells are multiplying.
if they aren't.. then i don't know what to say.
i don't know what i'll do without him guys. if there was EVER a time when i needed prayer, it would be right now.
pray for my family, for peace and that if it is God's plan for his life to be over soon, that we can find the strength somewhere to move on.
Pray that we can find the courage to be strong through the hard times ahead... pray for peace for my Grandmother. They've been together for 54 years, and are so in love.
pray for all the tears i've hidden and bottled up inside me.
im going to burst any minute.
oh father. please don't leave me hanging here...
the end
thanks
God bless
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[12 Sep 2004|03:39pm] |
how do u friggin do it?
it makes me so angry
i feel like i want to throw every memory of you out of my window
bah
but i still care about you
i don't want anyone else but you
it totally sux how it works doesn't it..
but i love it
i talked to james
he says hes sorry for being a quote "not cool dude"
and i say "no problem"
the end
i hope it isn't a problem... i really do
cuz i have a secret!!!!!
its a BAD secret
and im a BAD girl
hehe but thats ok :):)
talks with katie last night were fun
i like that girl a whole bunch
we're kinda in the same boat
i like being around ppl in big groups but at the same time sometimes (not all times) i HATE it!!
so i was quite overjoyed by her company last night
(that and the belgium waffels, ice cream, whipped cream, and syrup that was inhaled at 10:00 this morning heh)
it was exactly what i needed.
yay
i didn't go to church this morning. with the new service times and dropping katie off and waffels and ice cream and syrup it totally didn't work out.
i'll go read my bible now to make up for it.
i have a stylin new shirt
VOTE
God bless
<3
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